Cutting the Cord
I finally feel free from James!
I am not sure what happened for him to help him, perhaps he got laid or something, but he hasn't hardly bothered me all since Friday! Yesterday we had a small myspace message fight which I ended by not responding to one of the messages. He has not changed a bit and he showed me that. Up until yesterday he had accepted the blame, talked about us getting married, dreamt about where we would live, etc. Yesterday he started saying that I bailed on him, it was all unexpected and at a crappy point in his life, I am the one that took off on him, etc. As if everything was peachy keen until I decided to up and leave him for another man. That is soooo not true as any of you would know.
He also has been corresponding heavily with his ex-girlfriend who is now married with 2 kids (hmmm so was I) and when I brought her up and said "Maybe you should just call her everytime you think you should call me" he got extremely defensive and irrational. I think perhaps there is more there than meets the eye.
I had a wonderful evening with Kris on Monday. I went to his house and we ate dinner, listened to music ( I really like his music ) and talked and....other stuff :) I am so in love with him.
I had to ask myself why I was still talking to James at all or caring about him. What are my goals there? What do I want from him still? Why do I keep stringing him along?
The answers used to be that I didn't want to burn my bridges, that I still had a glimmer of hope that maybe he and I would end up back together in this fantasy world that he was weaving, and that I didn't want to lose attention from him. I realize now that that is immature and foolish. Everytime I am with Kris I fall more and more in love with him. He reveals himself to me a little more each time and I love what I see. How he is with the kids and how much he loves me back I would never give that up for a douchebag.
It is very scary to love someone so quickly and completely. It is a huge risk to take your heart and hand it to someone you have only known for a couple of weeks and trust them to nurture it and treat it well. I have never in my life been so willing to take that risk.
I am not sure what happened for him to help him, perhaps he got laid or something, but he hasn't hardly bothered me all since Friday! Yesterday we had a small myspace message fight which I ended by not responding to one of the messages. He has not changed a bit and he showed me that. Up until yesterday he had accepted the blame, talked about us getting married, dreamt about where we would live, etc. Yesterday he started saying that I bailed on him, it was all unexpected and at a crappy point in his life, I am the one that took off on him, etc. As if everything was peachy keen until I decided to up and leave him for another man. That is soooo not true as any of you would know.
He also has been corresponding heavily with his ex-girlfriend who is now married with 2 kids (hmmm so was I) and when I brought her up and said "Maybe you should just call her everytime you think you should call me" he got extremely defensive and irrational. I think perhaps there is more there than meets the eye.
I had a wonderful evening with Kris on Monday. I went to his house and we ate dinner, listened to music ( I really like his music ) and talked and....other stuff :) I am so in love with him.
I had to ask myself why I was still talking to James at all or caring about him. What are my goals there? What do I want from him still? Why do I keep stringing him along?
The answers used to be that I didn't want to burn my bridges, that I still had a glimmer of hope that maybe he and I would end up back together in this fantasy world that he was weaving, and that I didn't want to lose attention from him. I realize now that that is immature and foolish. Everytime I am with Kris I fall more and more in love with him. He reveals himself to me a little more each time and I love what I see. How he is with the kids and how much he loves me back I would never give that up for a douchebag.
It is very scary to love someone so quickly and completely. It is a huge risk to take your heart and hand it to someone you have only known for a couple of weeks and trust them to nurture it and treat it well. I have never in my life been so willing to take that risk.
4 comments:
Hey girl ~
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling free from James...YAY!! and that IS the way it SHOULD be and NEEDS to be...no doubt!
I'm very glad to hear you are feeling so great when you're with Kris and vice versa...I pray this is what God has intended for both your, and his, life...for sure! : )
Take care and I pray all is well...God Bless you and your family and friends!
Thank you :) I feel great so far. There are still small moments where I miss D.B. but those are getting fewer and farther between everytime I talk to him. Thank God for sure!! He told me patience and even though I didn't do the best job of being patient He still brought joy into my life!!
I am so happy for you. As I said, sometimes love just falls into your lap, and it isn't always convenient or logical or one of those slow-growing loves.
(And if James keeps bugging you, DON'T RESPOND. He is trying to get under your skin and control you.. don't let it happen.)
Love you!!!!
WOOHOO B - very glad to hear it's all well... : )
Post a Comment