Last Day of Freedom
Hi. Tomorrow is my first day of work! I have to go in at 8:30am yikes!! I think that will only be the start time for a few days and then I probably migrate to the 11-8p shift. I'm excited for sure.
I feel like I can't write anything interesting which is why I haven't really gotten on and blogged for a few days. I lost most of the hearing in my right ear yesterday from this illness that has taken hold of my head and its driving me nuts. I finally just finished my amoxicillin but I still feel like poo. My nose is still stuffy, my sinuses are still plugged, and now my ear. I was feeling better last Saturday but then Sunday I felt like I'd taken 3 steps back again. Yesterday I felt pretty good, had energy and was in good spirits, but today I'm depressed and feel kind of sick again. I have never had anything like this cold.
I don't know what I'm going to wear tomorrow. Every day I weigh myself and I've gained almost a full pound each day. I'm going to hit 140 if this keeps up. Amazing that a year ago I weighed about 119. I have been walking up to 8 miles a day without fail and eating less but nothing is stopping the gain. I can't figure it out. I feel horrible about myself and none of my pants fit anymore. My upper body hasn't really changed drastically, but I've gained 3 inches around my thighs and my butt and 2 around my hips. That is a lot. I really miss my body. I don't know what I have done to deserve this but I feel like its some kind of punishment. I opened my summer clothes bin to see what I could wear and none of it fits. The skirts that used to drag on the ground or fall off me are now too tight to wear and the shirts show my bloated looking belly. This is worse than the illness. It makes me feel like I have failed.
Ok well enough of that bullshit. I just needed to write that out. So you can see why I haven't been writing much because this matter has concerned me.
Vermont has been acting strangely lately for sure. I love it though. It is heaven to sit on the front porch in a tshirt and sweatpants (that's all that fit me) and feel a warm breeze and hot sun. I hope it never ends, but we do need some rain soon. There is flooding but the ground is dry in Milton. The lake is at over 100 feet which is flood stage. I have some pictures but I can't post them until I ditch the ocean pictures on my camera. They are huge and takes Picasa forever to get them on my computer. I want to take the camera to Walmart and get the pictures printed out. Maybe I'll do that today and stop at Plato's and by some new pants in bigger sizes. That will be difficult.
Ok I'm going to go and have some coffee at Becca's now. Then I'm going to take a walk.
I feel like I can't write anything interesting which is why I haven't really gotten on and blogged for a few days. I lost most of the hearing in my right ear yesterday from this illness that has taken hold of my head and its driving me nuts. I finally just finished my amoxicillin but I still feel like poo. My nose is still stuffy, my sinuses are still plugged, and now my ear. I was feeling better last Saturday but then Sunday I felt like I'd taken 3 steps back again. Yesterday I felt pretty good, had energy and was in good spirits, but today I'm depressed and feel kind of sick again. I have never had anything like this cold.
I don't know what I'm going to wear tomorrow. Every day I weigh myself and I've gained almost a full pound each day. I'm going to hit 140 if this keeps up. Amazing that a year ago I weighed about 119. I have been walking up to 8 miles a day without fail and eating less but nothing is stopping the gain. I can't figure it out. I feel horrible about myself and none of my pants fit anymore. My upper body hasn't really changed drastically, but I've gained 3 inches around my thighs and my butt and 2 around my hips. That is a lot. I really miss my body. I don't know what I have done to deserve this but I feel like its some kind of punishment. I opened my summer clothes bin to see what I could wear and none of it fits. The skirts that used to drag on the ground or fall off me are now too tight to wear and the shirts show my bloated looking belly. This is worse than the illness. It makes me feel like I have failed.
Ok well enough of that bullshit. I just needed to write that out. So you can see why I haven't been writing much because this matter has concerned me.
Vermont has been acting strangely lately for sure. I love it though. It is heaven to sit on the front porch in a tshirt and sweatpants (that's all that fit me) and feel a warm breeze and hot sun. I hope it never ends, but we do need some rain soon. There is flooding but the ground is dry in Milton. The lake is at over 100 feet which is flood stage. I have some pictures but I can't post them until I ditch the ocean pictures on my camera. They are huge and takes Picasa forever to get them on my computer. I want to take the camera to Walmart and get the pictures printed out. Maybe I'll do that today and stop at Plato's and by some new pants in bigger sizes. That will be difficult.
Ok I'm going to go and have some coffee at Becca's now. Then I'm going to take a walk.
3 comments:
Good luck at your job tomorrow!
Sorry you are still sick, that's so miserable. :( Maybe the new job will help your immune system kickstart itself.
As far as the weight gain goes, is it possible that you haven't been eating enough and your body is in starvation mode? I like to watch my calories occasionally on sites like fitday.com or sparkpeople.com (both free!). I don't do it every day, because I get obsessive, but I check in occasionally to log a typical day. And if you have been walking 8 miles a day? That's a lot of exercise, so you'd need more calories.
Just a thought. I know how frustrating it can be.
*hugs* We'll have to get together soon. I have a ton of free chocolate I got for that House Party that I a supposed to have this weekend, but I don't really intend on having a big party. I know, talking to you about losing weight, and then offering you free chocolate. I am such a horrible person.
Miss you! Lots of new pics on thelagues.net, by the way - including my newwwwww van (well, new to me!) Vera!
- Astrid
Astrid- I have definitely been eating enough. I have been eating too much actually. I keep a written food diary and it amazes me how much I actually eat compared to what I THINK I have eaten. And I eat a lot of sugary stuff. The cut down in food is recent. Easter candy, birthday cakes, cakes for fun, cookies, neighbors, family functions, all those things happening so often are what is getting to me. I feel like I'm insulting someone if I don't eat their goodies, but in the long run its making me hate myself so I just have to insult people I guess. Yes I'd probably pass on that chocolate ha ha thanks anyway! Give it to Kris he's been LOSING weight if that is possible. I find if I don't "break the seal" by eating a sugary treat then I don't usually seek out more sugary treats throughout the day and beyond. Its all or nothing with me :( And I use the Daily Plate for a calorie counter, also free :)
Love Betsy
Hey girl!
Enjoy the new job, for sure, and I will keep your 'illness' in my prayers, for sure. And no worries on the weight-gain thing...some of it may have had to do with the fact you had been dealing with no job, etc etc., so just give it some time, and perhaps it will be JUST fine : ) I know how you're feeling, though. been there, done that, for SURE! but it has all worked out in the end...
and yes, I have to agree on the GAWgeous weather here in good ol' VT...but it is too dry, tho it's a fine line with the flood watches for sure...
Well, I suppose I'll get back to workin' ; )
Have a great & blessed day/week/weekend! God Bless.
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