Day 3

Today I did even more reading of the lovely HUD 4350.3 and I was soooo tired at the end of the day. Its amazing that just sitting and reading something can do that to you. I also notice that when I am sitting there reading all i want to really do is EAT. I have been munching on fruit and rice cakes sitting at my desk. I bought some slow dissolving lollipops off Amazon.com that supposedly "suppress your appetite" with a combo of herbs and such. I don't really put much stock in that shit, but they only have 30 calories each and they take over half an hour to fully dissolve. That should take the place of the candy and other crunchy stuff I want to munch on. I'll still eat all the fruit don't worry!! :)




I notice that I feel and look better in the week I've been eating 80% fruit/veggies on a daily basis. Tonight I went out for "Girl's Night" with my neighbor and her friends. We went to T.G.I.F.'s and I had half of a mixed drink, 3 loaded potato skin halves, mahi mahi, and the frosting off of an oreo cake. Then we went to the Price Chopper's candy bin section because one of Becca's friends had the idea to ( I didn't know those still existed) and I ended up with just under a pound of all different kinds of candy. I ate too much of it and now I want to go puke. No, I'm not going to actually go puke. But I feel awful about myself. Its like once I start eating healthier, the things I would have eaten before without a thought suddenly are making me feel dirty in a way! I am so looking forward to tomorrow when I can eat better again. I wanted to go out for a walk tonight but I didn't think it would be as safe as I usually do since its Friday night, the kids are at the end of their vacation week (the punk kids, not mine), and its relatively warm out.



I noticed that just that smallish amount of alcohol had a profound effect on my mood and judgement. I have decided that I really do not like to drink. Its amazing because I had been feeling pretty darn good and stable today but about a half hour after drinking that I started to feel paranoid, depressed, and like I just wanted to disappear. I think that my brain has a very delicate balance and that alcohol disturbs it. I'm very glad I didn't have more like some of the other girls there. One of them has pretty bad depression and I have NO idea why she would drink so much to be honest, because you could just about SEE her mood swings coming and going. Maybe she hasn't seen the correlation.



Kris left me an either drunken or sleepy message on my voice mail today. I don't know if you noticed, but it is after 1:00 in the morning and I'm on Blogger. I am afraid to go to bed. What a pussy. I just want to stay up until tomorrow and then take a nap. I can't do it though, too old. I'd probably pass out by 3 or so involuntarily. I hate sleeping alone. Its weird, because I don't really feel like "Oh my husband's gone woe is me" its more like my body is the one woe-ing. My mind is in so many places that I haven't really settled down to miss him. Of course I do miss him but its a weird feeling. I'm just glad he'll be back on Sunday.

Well that must have bored at least one person to death. I printed out some pics on my camera at the Walmart the other day--some of them are very beautiful. I hate to erase them off my camera now ha ha. I might keep the ones I had enlarged because I might want to enlarge them again. I need to burn them to CD or something. I took one of my Hibiscus braid''s blossom and it came out so amazingly vibrant.