Heart

A few days ago, James asked me for the painting I did for him back last year when he was gone on his hiking trip. I had had this spiritual inspiration and I thought of him and his seeming disbelief in God, and how I could present my point of view to give him a different perspective. I also wrote him a little stanza about what this painting meant and how I felt about him. He had never read it before and last night he came over to pick it up and it made him cry and realize how much I had loved him.
The poem:

We are all God.
The essence of perfection lies deep within our hearts.
Deep beneath the blackness of a murderer's soul is found the purity of the Divine.
Through the arteries of a hardened heart runs the promise of forgiveness.
Think of me when you look at this and think of God. Smile and remember you
are loved.

He stayed from 8:45 until after 11pm. The kids were up for part of it, and he was being very fatherly towards them. Alicia loves him for some reason so she was climbing all over him and touching his hair, smelling his shirt ("You smell good James!") and he was making an effort to play with her. He tried to talk to Alex and sort of succeeded, but the whole while I am thinking, "Why suddenly now? Its too late." Kris called twice while he was there, and I felt awful but I told him the truth, that James was there and I was having a hard time getting him out the door and that we were talking about stuff. You know what he said? "Ok just call me later and tell me all about it." He also said in an email, "Thank you for letting me know James is coming by your house tonight. I really appreciate it, and I'm not worried because I trust you." I honestly did not know how to feel because I don't feel like too many guys have been that trusting of me in the past, even if there was no reason not to trust me.

James apparently felt the need to tell me all this stuff about his past girlfriends that of course he wouldn't tell me before when I asked him but now is compelled. It explained a lot. Too late of course, but still it was interesting. I dropped a couple of bombs on him, too. In the end we just hugged and agreed that things were sad but over and are still friends. I think I set him back in his grieving process though. Plus that huge naked painting of me was in my dining room and that apparently bothered him too. Did I mention this painting yet? Its fucking huge. And pink. And naked. Well, fishnet stockings and a boa but that's about it. It is very realistic. i will take a picture and put it on here. I have my head back so you can't tell its me but Kam (he painted it) knew my body so well that you can definitely tell it is me if you know me well.