If You Want to Know...

...and if you are not sick of reading about my silly stories yet and not so frustrated with my inability to make up my dayum mind!!

I went to the Vermont Brewer's Festival Saturday evening. I got out of work at 4 and it started at 5. I had still not told James I was going, and I planned to just hang out with Jamie and meet up with my supercool neighbor Becka and hopefully get lost in the crowd. And boy was it a crowd!! I bought my ticket online thank God because the line for regular tickets or for buying a ticket there was ridiculous!!! For those who know, it went from the edge of the boardwalk to Echo Leahy Center and a bit beyond!!!

James also had bought his tickets online and of course when I am walking down the edge of the line to get to the back, there he was with his posse including Caroline, my supposed arch nemesis. He spotted me and said, "Oh! Decided to come, eh?" and I just nodded and said "Yep" and walked faster. Of course part of me is hoping that he will say, "Hey come stand with us so you can get in faster! Here meet all my friends!" But of course that would only happen if he was a normal, socially adjusted person. Nope he didn't do a damn thing. Jamie was the person I came with and she didn't have a ticket so she was in a different line. She got in ahead of me and by the time I got there I couldn't find her anywhere. She wasn't able to hear her phone either so I was just standing there looking like an idiot all alone. I started to wander, and of course I found James right off. I asked him if he had seen her and he hadn't. Then I noticed he had a guy with him who I was assuming was his friend from NY. I stuck my hand out and said "Hi! I'm Betsy! Nice to meet you." He looked unsure at first, then shook my hand. James just stood there looking shocked/uncomfortable. Unlike him, I enjoy being social. Then I turned around and oh! there's Caroline! The girl I have been spying on/crying about for almost a year and a half now! I smiled big and said, "Hi! I'm Betsy!" and she looked a little scared for a moment, like a deer in the headlights (she looks like that a lot I came to find out) and James said to me, "Are you coming?" as he walked to get some beer. Oh my. I am finally part of the fucking crowd. He is such a retard I can't believe he hadn't made any effort to bring me into this circle of friends. I met Nate, Jessie, Kelly, Rich, and then there was Erik and Kelly who I know from work, and then I met James' boss. What a HUGE hump to get over, but is it too late? I don't know. I am totally confused now.

I spent probably 80% of the night with Jessie, Kelly, and Caroline. Caroline and I talked for a bit on our own about nursing (she is a nurse) and it was hard because I already know so much about her from my research from when I was having anxiety attacks over those pictures I found from their hiking trips, and of course the other wonderful things that made it look like she was bonking James. Now that I have met her, I have no worries. I honestly doubt that there is anything between them, or that there was, and I have to say that James creates a lot of problems by being so fucking socially inept. I think he has an honest to God problem. I dont know what happened to him to make him this way but it sucks. I barely hung out with him there. I was with his friends the whole time HAHA!! Jessie is so sweet and she and I talked a lot, and she even invited me to go with them after the brew fest was over! I found Jamie though and I was parked near her house and wanted to hang out with her more so I went to her, but then James called me and invited me to go with them to Nate's house after. I said no thanks. Then he was texting me saying he wanted me to come over to his house after but I had to work the next morning and I had been a little buzzed and was tired.

So I am more confused than ever if that is possible. He called me at work during my lunch break and actually chit chatted with me which is highly unusual since he barely calls me ever anymore and when he does it is usually either unpleasant or silent. Even back before we broke up. He came over after the kids were in bed and brought Chinese food and we watched Simpsons. It is still weird for me, because he never comes over anymore. I was hoping he would stay in one way, and at the same time I kind of wanted him to leave. I wish he and I could just talk about what is going on but it never seems like the right time.

Of course, he is my muse apparently, and today I have had an outburst of creativity and jewelry making! Unfortunately Alicia still has a fever from Friday and she is cranky as hell so its been a rough day. Plus the neighbor's dog has some kind of disease or something so I watched her kid for a few hours this afternoon and I couldn't just sit in here and make jewelry like I wanted to. I'm watching both her kids tomorrow but just for one hour. Stay tuned for more jewelry and check my store often because I'm going to be listing it daily as I make it!