I return
I had kind of lost my joy in blogging, and jewelry making as well since the craft show. I am going to try to make some stuff this weekend, but after seeing the higher quality stuff I just feel like I am not worthy.
Have you ever felt like you are fighting something that is trying to fall into place? Have you ever started something in motion, only to chicken out half way through and try to make everything go back to the way it was in the first place? Even if it was awful? That is how I feel lately. I feel so lost and hopeless and emotionally fragile. I hate it.
Yesterday I spent most of the day outside doing yard work. I felt great during and after. I weed-whacked, pulled huge weeds from the neglected back yard, and planted a tiny vegetable garden with beans, cucumbers, and squash. I also worked on the lawnmower with my Dad so I can finish mowing. I almost killed the poor thing the other night trying to run it when it hadn't been turned on in 2 years!!! But hey the front yard looks........better. I feel so awesome when I am doing something that taxes my body. I wish I could do landscaping for the whole summer somehow as a second job. If I get Alicia into daycare maybe I can. I felt so strong when I was yanking those weeds from the earth--some of the taproots were over 1 foot long!! I would fade away at a desk job.
Speaking of jobs, I just found out that they extended my "temporary" position here at ol' Ive Been Married until December, giving me 3 extra months of income. That is great, but why if they can do that, can't they give me another year? I thought it was VT law that said only 3 year maximum for a temporary job, yet at a whim they can extend it beyond that? I don't understand.
Well, I will end this post with a picture I took last night at the Waterfront in Burlington. Since my boyfriend and I have separated (are we broken up? i have no idea) I have been spending a lot more time down in Burlington. I don't like sitting home feeling sorry for myself. When I am with friends and family I feel so much better.
2 comments:
THat's a great pic.
I guess that's good you are at IBM for another 3 months, right?
I used to walk around downtown by myself, too, because I had no friends and wanted something to do.
Doesn't working with your hands feel so much more natural than being in a building? I always thought we weren't meant to be at a desk, tool, computer, etc, and it goes against our natural state!
Actually after I wrote that entry I talked to my boss again and he said it was an extra 6 months from my end date, so that takes me into March 2008! I don't know if that is good or bad....
Post a Comment